did you get engaged???
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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