Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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