im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How external is "for external use only"?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize