"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
