Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
