Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i will never coherently bang her
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
