I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
