oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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