it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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