hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize