I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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