puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
