thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
