The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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