i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
