Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
