Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
