oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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