Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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