I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
