he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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