If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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