Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize