o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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