Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
