you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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