I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As shirtless as possible
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
