Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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