Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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