I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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