Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
