I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
