I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
