Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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