As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
A bitchslap is in order.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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