Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize