The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
