this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
