If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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