i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
