She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
