you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize