some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
