you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize