You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
