Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
