I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
