there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
