Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
