if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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