Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
