So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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