She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're a waste of cheezeits
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
