I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
