dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
