You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
