he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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