Your mouth is God's brothel.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize