New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
