Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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