Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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