haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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