The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
