Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
