Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
