then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
