Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
